This series of blog posts is about what to do when a dream ends. Moving forward can be a challenge. I am sharing a personal example to illustrate the approach I used when one of my life dreams died. I have already covered the first three steps – learn, ponder, and dare. This week’s post is about the next step which is to describe your desired destination. In other words, what does success look like? It is important that you include this piece. Otherwise, how will you know when you arrive there?
Describe what your destination looks like for clarity
This step may be somewhat hard to understand, so I am going to use a metaphor that I hope you can follow. Let’s say we decide to spend a weekend in New York City on Manhattan. Both of you have been to NYC. You know what the city looks like. It has a unique skyline that is easily identified from a distance. Before heading to the Big Apple we choose the hotel where we are going to stay. It is the first place we go after arrival. It is important that we know what the hotel looks like or it may be difficult to find. I know this based on experience.
Our NYC taxi driver did not know how to get to our hotel
Riley and I stayed at NobelDen Hotel during one of our trips to NYC. It is a cool place in Little Italy. We took a taxi from JFK into Manhattan. It became obvious that our taxi driver did not know where the hotel was. He turned towards the Williamsburg bridge which leads to Brooklyn – completely the wrong direction. I told him to stop. Traffic was awful – which is usually a bad thing. In this case, it helped as I gave the taxi driver directions. I use booking.com for hotel reservations so I knew where the hotel was located and what it looked like.
Hard to find your destination if you do not know what it looks like
It was really helpful to know what we were looking for since many buildings in Manhattan look alike. It took us awhile, but we finally arrived at our hotel. Not sure what would have happened if we did not know what our destination looked like. We may have wandered for over an hour. Nowadays I pay much more attention when riding in an NYC taxi cab to make sure we don’t get lost. The same thing can happen to you in life. It is easy to wander lost for years if you have no idea what your destination looks like. I made this mistake – avoid doing the same thing.
Designing the blueprint for the better version of me
I was not sure where to start when it came to describing my desired destination. What would success look like? Was it all about achieving my dreams? No – that did not seem sufficient. What if I fulfilled those dreams and still was not satisfied with what I saw when I looked into the mirror. I did not know exactly what my desired destination looked like, but I did know that I wanted to become a better version of me. So that is what I called this analysis – designing the blueprint for the better version of me.
Turn to the person who designed you
Where in the world could I find a blueprint for the better version of me? Lord knows there are a ton of self-help books to consult. I know because I have read several of them. But, what if the author is wrong, and his blueprint does not work. Instead of following the wisdom of a single author I decided to turn to the person who designed me – God. I believe that God created me, so I figured he would know what the better version of me looked like. With that thought in mind, I looked into God’s word, the Bible, to see if it contained the answers I was seeking. Turns out it did. According to James, the brother of Jesus, if I do what the word says I will be blessed. Based on the passage below I was convinced that the blueprint could be found in the God’s perfect law.
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.
James 1:22-25
Jesus identifies the greatest commandment
If you have read the Bible then you know that God’s laws are complicated. If you have not, trust me – they are. The Old Testament is full of them. It can get confusing. Rather than read all the law I started by reviewing the ten commandments. The ten commandments did not seem like a great blueprint. Yes – I know there are many things I should not do like cuss, lie, steal, or sleep with my neighbor’s wife. But, what should I do instead? Luckily for all of us, Jesus arrived on the scene and simplified God’s laws into something we can understand. In fact, the holy rollers of his day quizzed Jesus about the law to confirm whether or not he knew his stuff. He did. The passage below shows his answers. Want to live a good life – love God and your neighbors.
Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22, verses 36-40
My personal perspective – Be Whole, Be Happy!
I used God’s words as the key ingredients for drawing the blueprint for a better me. I created a personal perspective to describe my desired destination. I decided that the best description of what I was hoping to become was a person who is both whole and happy. Whole means with all that I am – my heart, soul, and mind. Happiness leads to love. I believe it is difficult to love others if you are not happy with yourself. Grumpy people are difficult to love. Thus, the saying found in the document I created – Be Whole, Be Happy!
Drawing the blueprint for a better me
First I drew an overview of the blueprint for a better me. It is found below. This page includes the four major pieces for being whole. It is based on the passage from Matthew along with my own perspective. The quote at the top comes from a U2 song.
All my mind – be present
I filled in the details for each piece. Below you see an example: All My Mind – Be Present. The quote comes from the same U2 song. Next, I list three actions I will take to be present. The left side is the action, the right side is the result. For example, if I savor moments as they happen it will result in lifelong memories. Lifelong memories describe my desired destination. I don’t want to get to the end and struggle to remember all the wonderful moments. I also felt it was important that I find more friends and avoid being a hermit. After the divorce, it would have been easy for me to sink into myself and spend too much time alone stuck in my own head.
Feel free to borrow ideas from others – they may have the best ones
Most the content for the All My Mind slide comes from a conversation I had with a close friend. He was trying to do a much better job being present, really living in the moment before it passed. He was missing the most important moments in his life because of constant distractions. His point really resonated with me so I decided to borrow the idea and make it my own. I was horrible at being present. Normally in my mind, I was either analyzing the past or planning for the future. I neglected the present and was missing out. If I am going to do something with all my mind then I need to learn to be present. It is still a struggle, but I am better at being present these days.
What does the better you blueprint look like
I recommend spending some time drawing your own blueprint for the better version of you. It does not have to be complicated. A simple picture may suffice. I know that both of you are busy. But, it is a worthwhile investment of your time if for no other reason than it will help you know what success looks like in your life. Capture all this content somewhere so that you can reference it later.
The inspiration for my blueprint – U2 song “Invisible”
I know that neither of you wants to do this work. I understand. It is difficult to find the time and energy to do this