I lay on my bedroom floor, tossing a baseball into the air. I was contemplating the current circumstance of my life, and the future. It was March, a year ago. The first few months of 2018 were rough. I was working long hours, my old girlfriend and I had broken up, and my dad was in poor health. I was in the wilderness and I knew it. The wilderness is rough.
What in the world is the wilderness?
To me, the wilderness symbolically represents any extended time period when I am alone to sort out my life. It is usually more than a few hours or even a few days. The wilderness can last for days, months, years, and even decades. In the Old Testament, the Israelite’s wandered around the desert for forty years. That is a really long time to be in the wilderness.
Why I wrote this billboard
I read Brene Brown’s excellent book Braving the Wilderness – The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. In it, she explains that “what all wilderness metaphors have in common are the notions of solitude, vulnerability, and an emotional, spiritual, or physical quest”. That was me last March – a new quest. The book inspired the billboard.
In case you do not know who Brene Brown is
She is probably best known as a speaker and author. Her 2010 TED talk about vulnerability has almost 10 million viewers on Youtube. Oprah, Marie Forleo and others have interviewed her, and she is on the speaking circuit. I find her perspective eye-opening in many ways, especially regarding vulnerability. Below is the TED talk in case you have not watched it before.
The last time I was in the wilderness lasted many months
Dealing with the divorce from your mother several years ago included many months in the wilderness. It was complicated for many reasons. Some that you know, and others that you do not. I made many mistakes during the divorce, but the one thing I got right was to be brave. I took a big chance by setting out on a totally new path. The new path was not perfect. It was better – much better.
I wanted to be brave again in the new wilderness
This time, I did not know how long I would be in the wilderness. I only knew that I needed to identify a new path forward since I was in a different place than expected. I wanted to keep moving towards higher ground. I wanted to be brave again in the new wilderness. That probably does not make sense to you. It did not make total sense to me either.
How I incorporated this billboard into my life
Brene’s book includes thoughts and insights about the wilderness based on her research. It was great food for thought as I spent several days contemplating my new direction. I made some key decisions and moved out. Rather than retreat – I moved forward…bravely. Everything has not gone right, but I am pleased with the results. I am in a better place. In part because of Brene’s book which is well worth reading. I
There will be times when standing alone feels too hard, too scary, and we’ll doubt our ability to make our way through the uncertainty. Someone, somewhere, will say, “Don’t do it. you don’t have what it takes to survive the wilderness.” This is when you reach deep into your wild heart and remind yourself, “I am the wilderness.”
Brene Brown, Braving the Wilderness
What about you?
Are you in the wilderness? Do you know how to handle it? I challenge you to be brave in the wilderness. Contemplate your options, make hard decisions, and move forward. Call me if you ever need a sounding board, or a helping hand. I have been through the wilderness multiple times and survived. So can you.
Be brave. You are in the wilderness.
Dad